You made me cry and you don't even care
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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