i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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