she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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