I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sarcasm needs its own font
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
