Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
