Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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