i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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