It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
