We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
