i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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