god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
