watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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