Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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