I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
