I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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