Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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