My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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