It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
