update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
