I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
