thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
