I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm passing your future prison.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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