His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
