i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
