I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
