Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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