We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
