I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
