I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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