i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
