I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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