I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
