this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
