I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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