I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
