i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
