with your own penis?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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