saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
