The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
