you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
