It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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