Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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