I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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