he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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