Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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