I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
