and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
