Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
