Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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