you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
