you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
