So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
