I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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