at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
