i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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