I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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