I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
