You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
