3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
