Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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