she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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