i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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