My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
