i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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