Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
