Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
