If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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