yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
