So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
