you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
