We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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