Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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