I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
