If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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