I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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