Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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