If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
