There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
