I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
