can we get nightvision for the apartment?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
