It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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