So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
