You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
